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Walking With Wolves at Sunrise

July 18, 2021 by Denise Brake Leave a Comment

After our Summer Solstice bear sighting, we returned to our campsite and went to bed in the evening light. We had plans to do an early morning hike on the Sunrise Trail that followed the St. Croix River. We slept fairly well, considering our questions of whether we could sleep on the ground at our age, and with thanks to 21st century sleeping pads. I woke at about 4:30, rested and ready to go, so we got up in the mostly dark, got ready, and hit the trail. The forest was dark, though we walked without headlamps. There was just enough light to see the trail—we placed our feet by feel. It was quiet and calm, a rather magical time of day, and it felt like we were participating in the waking of a morning. We came to a small meadow, and the morning light opened up to us, and a haze of mist lifted from the grasses.

After we left the loamier soil of the woodland trail, we walked on sand, and with the light and with the sand, we noticed that we were not walking the trail alone. The wolf tracks were as fresh as those we were laying down. We wondered if he had followed the trail by night or if he had just beat us to the Sunrise Trail this morning.

We had been hoping to be close enough to the River to see the sun rising over it, but we were up on a ridge with trees between us and it. Every once in a while I could catch a glimpse of water. When the sun did rise, the undeterred shine of light made its way through the trees in spectacular fashion!

We walked for a little over an hour until we began to lag in energy and in hopes of getting close to the river. Could we make it to Sunrise Landing? I had thought so with the trail marks we had passed. We heard an awful squawking call and saw a pair of vultures fussing with one another. Then in the sight of the vultures, we stopped to look at a map and realized we weren’t even close to Sunrise Landing! So we ate our breakfast bars and drank some water with the realization that we really weren’t as great at this as we thought! Lol! We decided from then on, it wasn’t how many miles we were able to do but how many hours we were out there trying.

We turned around to go back to our campsite. The ever-optimistic, ever-reliable sun shone its encouragement on us and the forest dwellers.

When nearly back to the woods behind the campground, we saw a sign that said ‘Sunrise Landing—8 miles’ that we had missed in the dark. Well, no wonder we weren’t close! Perhaps the wolf was already there.

We cooked our breakfast over the campfire, packed up our things, found out from a neighboring camper they had just seen a bear behind their campsite, and determined that we would hike around the prairie and horse camp area before leaving the park.

The whole trail was sandy, making walking a bit harder, but at the same time, the warmth and feel of it felt therapeutic.

We saw two people walking and two people on horseback and lots more wolf tracks…

and wolf scat covered with butterflies.

Summer flowers bloomed and attracted scores of butterflies. The dry heat released scents of pine needles and sweet milkweed.

Wild turkeys and deer, along with the wolves, accompanied us on our trail, whether previously or in person.

Name some things people are afraid of and the list will probably contain ‘snakes,’ ‘wolves,’ ‘bears,’ ‘spiders,’ and ‘the dark.’ It’s much easier to put our fears upon an animal, a person, or entity. We can hold that fear away from us–-if we can hold them away from us. But rarely is the fear of a certain animal or set of persons the real fear—they are place-holders for the deeper, scarier fears that reside in our hearts. Fear of loss of control, fear of ‘what if,’ fear of aloneness, fear of irrelevance, and fear of unworthiness. So what if we just walk with it? Walk with the wolves and the bears, the spiders and snakes who were there and didn’t show up this trip. Walk with the dark, the doubts, the limitations, and the vultures. It can be hard and therapeutic at the same time. It’s easy—and fearful—to think the light is only shining on certain trees or persons or entities, but the fact remains that we all walk in the dark and we all walk in the light. Thanks be to the Sun.

Windows of Time

May 9, 2021 by Denise Brake 2 Comments

I’ve had these windows of time in my life when much more was happening beyond the physical, conscious, daily occurrences. When I was younger, I was completely oblivious to them beyond a faint acknowledgement of not feeling so great. It could be in the form of physical discomfort or uneasiness or of a mental or emotional fatigue or depression. After a close friend of mine died when we were in our early 30’s, I had this window of ‘off’ time every year in early February. It was only after a number of years of this happening that I realized my ‘off’ time was the anniversary of his death and his birth. My body and mind were mourning the loss of my dear friend without my conscious knowledge. I ‘knew’ the anniversary of his death and birthday—a window of time of only a few days apart—in essence, without ‘knowing.’ Therein lies the incredible, miraculous marvel of our human bodies, minds, and souls.

Once I realized this connection, it made those times easier to handle. Of course I feel sad and down—I miss my friend, I loved him, and he was a joy to all who met him. The whole earth was missing a great soul who left far too early. That’s how important we each are in the whole of creation. The end of April and the beginning of May is another of those windows of time for me. It marks the deaths of Chris’ Mom and Dad who died two years and five days apart. Since I was intimately familiar with the anniversary mourning time, I used it proactively to set aside that time to honor them. I put pictures of them on our mantel, we recounted stories of them, and I ‘shared’ with them about our family. As the years passed—for now it has remarkably been sixteen and eighteen years since their deaths—the mourning morphed into a window of time of gratitude and peace. I still miss them and love them and carry them with me.

It was during this window of time when Chris and I walked at a nearby park. Our daily walks are usually faster—no tarrying for picture taking—but I took the camera in anticipation of a spectacular blooming. Good thing I did. The curled leaves of the Bloodroot flowers had opened up into a fan-tourage of magnificent flower display.

But the spectacular blooming I had anticipated was that of the White Trout Lily. From green and brown mottled, tulip-like leaves grows one exquisitely formed, curved, nodding, white flower with protruding yellow stamens and prominent white pistil.

They begin as a pink-colored bud that opens during the day and closes at night. The blooms last for just a few days, making it all the more magical to see them flowering.

The floodplain of this lowland by the Mississippi River was a carpet of White Trout Lilies—millions of them by my inexpert estimate. These colonies can be hundreds of years old, as it takes one plant six to seven years before a flower is produced. These early-flowering carpets serve as ‘nutrient pools’ for the entire forest. Without them, the spring run-off would take the nutrients with them, but instead the Trout Lilies take up nutrients such as nitrogen and phosphorus. By mid-summer the leaves die back and release those nutrients for the vibrant summer growth. They remain dormant, underground, until the next early Spring.

As the White Trout Lilies bloomed, sedge grasses and ferns pushed and unfurled from the damp soil—green is once again the dominant color!

A couple of Anemones bloom at this early Spring time in Minnesota, including False Rue Anemone with its prolific, branching white flowers that seem to dance in the breeze.

A Canadian Goose pair ate and strutted in the back water of the River and gave no bother to us as we walked by.

The feathers of the impressive gander rippled like the water in which he walked.

Farther on, another goose was dipping its black bill into the shallow water, but when it saw and heard us, it turned and swam away, honking in alarm for long past the time we were in sight.

Tiny blue violets bloomed along the trail in sharp contrast to the leaf litter beneath it.

And then I saw the turtles! A large, fat-necked turtle sprawled over a log in the River slough water, legs hanging over the sides to balance him for a sun-soaked nap. Heads were raised when they heard us, but their concern was not great enough to scramble from their perches into the water.

Beside the log turtle was another on a large rock below. Reflections multiplied the logs, rocks, and turtles as a single, red Maple flower floated by.

The next set of turtles on a log made me laugh out loud. Another fat-necked turtle had a smaller, flatter turtle as a ‘pillow’ for his rest time, and behind him, two colorful sentries guarded the rear with their watchful neck maneuvers.

Another turtle trio of different sizes piled on a log with their eyes and noses in the air. Such funny creatures!

And finally, towards the end of our slow, beautiful, enchanting, funny walk, I saw this tree stump in the slough water. Moss was growing around the circumference of the bark-stripped trunk. Old, tan grass remained from the past, while new green grass was beginning to grow. A stick was propped up against the stump like someone had left a walking stick for another. Ripples and shadows and floating plants surrounded the stump, and in the middle of the stump grew a small, newly-leafed out tree in the freshest, most vibrant green!

We are the vibrant trees growing from the ones who came before us. They are the exquisitely blooming flowers who become our ‘nutrient pools’ who nourish us in our growth. The windows of time, those anniversaries of death or trauma that are remembered in our bodies, encoded into our brains, and carved into our souls, are there for a purpose. We are supposed to remember in order to transform the grief and pain into something of substance and form, of beauty and peace, so we can recognize how important we each are in the whole of creation. Take up your walking stick, give thanks for those loving souls who came before us, don’t get bogged down by the petty, muddled world around us, and find joy in fleeting flowers and sun-bathing turtles.

Stepping Into the Clear Water

September 20, 2020 by Denise Brake 2 Comments

It was like stepping back into time, stepping into a life of early and mid-century wealth and privilege. The Glendalough Lodge is modest by today’s standards, built in the early 1900’s by Ezra Valentine as a summer retreat for family and friends. In 1928, F.E. Murphy, owner of the Minneapolis Tribune, bought the place, expanded the acreage, developed a game farm, and used it as a family and corporate retreat. Glendalough was transferred to the Cowles Family in 1941 with the sale of the Tribune. Dwight Eisenhower and Richard Nixon were guests at Glendalough during the 50’s. On Earth Day, 1990, the property was donated to The Nature Conservancy, and in 1992, the Department of Natural Resources obtained the land for a state park.

We stepped into the Autumn prairie with rich golden Indian grass and brick red Sumac.

Three of the five of us donned running clothes for the virtual Red Friday Run for the World Champion Kansas City Chiefs in support for the Ronald McDonald House Charities of Kansas City. They ran through woods and prairie along the bike trail in the park.

The other two of us hiked the Beaver Pond Interpretive Trail along Blanche Lake, a beautiful, crystal-clear lake lined with water-purifying bulrushes.

We stepped onto a hill of sand along the shore of the lake called an ice ridge. These form when ice on the lake expands and pushes sand up into an embankment. An older ridge south of the lake indicates that at one time, perhaps thousands of years ago, the lake was much larger and had a higher water level.

Orange Sulphur butterflies flitted from Aster to Aster in the prairie meadow surrounded by Birch trees, and we found a rare Blue Lobelia wildflower.

Large Oak Trees grew along parts of the trail. The fallen acorns were so abundant in areas that it felt like I was stepping on a mat of roly-poly marbles.

The beaver pond was full of cattails, but we did see open-water trails that beavers, muskrats, and otters had traveled through. We saw trees that had been gnawed on by sharp beaver teeth. The large Pine was a bit too big for dam-building success.

There were signs along the trail that told us of the glory of the park’s previous life—where a tea house was located beside Blanche Lake, where a horse race track once stood, and here at this open space where a golf course used to be. A dog cemetery honored the beloved hunting dogs that had lived and died at Glendalough.

When the runners returned, we had a picnic on the shore of Annie Battle Lake, a fully natural, non-developed ‘Heritage Fishery’ lake restricted to non-motorized watercraft. It was just amazing how clear the water was in all the lakes and creeks we saw! We stepped into the sand and into the clear, cool water.

Glendalough, meaning ‘the glen between two lakes’ was named by F.E. Murphy and his wife, both of Irish descent. They created a beautiful, enchanting place that the public is privileged to access. Stepping back into the history highlighted their love of conservation, recreation, work, and friendship. When we step back into our own histories, what do we find? Where do our words come from? Where did our ancestors live, and how do their spirits live on through us? How do we step up for charity? It is endemic in the Christian religion to love God and love our neighbors with unselfish love, even when they don’t look like us. What happens when we step on something that trips us up or makes us lose our footing? It messes with our heads and our bodies. It is our responsibility to deal with the mess and the fallout of our own lives. What happens when we step on shifting sand, when we pledge our lives to false prophets? We misstep into deception, lies, division, ravenous wolves in sheep’s clothing who promise the greatest things while stealing us blind. We need to step into faith, hope, love, and action. We need to step into the clear water.

Love is the River and the Bridge

August 30, 2020 by Denise Brake Leave a Comment

One of the satisfying aspects of growing older is looking back at the line of your life and noticing how you have changed. I don’t mean only in physical appearances, though certainly they are the most apparent changes. Gray highlights, added pounds, lines that accentuate the movement of your face over the years. How has your spiritual life changed? Your politics? Your ability to handle your emotions? How has your thinking matured? Your wants and needs? How have the things you deem ‘important’ changed from when you were younger? My guess is, that like me, the path of your life has changed and moved and morphed.

On the high prairies of Buffalo River State Park, one can see a line of trees that runs alongside the winding Buffalo River. Before reaching the river from the prairie, there is a huge drop-off, then a wide flood plain where the trees have grown. Chris and I wondered if they named the river from the fact that buffalo ran or were chased through the prairie grasses off the cliff to their death.

We walked from the prairie down a path by a draw that opened up to the flood plain. Shrubs were changing to fall colors, and Wild Plums were ripening.

The cliff from prairie to flood plain is called a ‘cutbank,’ a steep bank where a river runs against the side of a hill, undercutting and eroding it. It produces a wide plain of underlying sediments. It also illustrates that over time, the path of the Buffalo River has changed—first cutting away from the north bank, then the south bank (or east and west depending on where the winding river is flowing.) We walked on the floodplain, looking up on the steep cutbank that has been populated by trees.

The River was high, swift, and muddy from the strong storms that had pushed through Minnesota and brought tornado warnings and those fabulous mammatus clouds to our doorstep two days before.

The mosquitoes we were hoping to foil on the prairie found us as we walked along the River through the trees. One particular dead tree was riddled with woodpecker holes—one even went all the way through it. We could see from one side to the other through something that normally would not allow such a thing.

Speaking of one side to the other, eventually we came to a bridge where we could cross the River to explore the uplands of prairie on the other side.

The muddy water flowed around a large rock in the middle of the River, depositing sediment in the wake of it. The resistance caused the build-up.

Up river, fallen trees dammed up the flow of the water, piling up debris as the River flowed on.

The prairie resumed on the other side of the River—grasses waving, flowers blooming, butterflies lighting, and seeds dispersing.

One could not distinguish one side of the prairie from the other—each has a myriad of grasses and colorful flowers. Both have cutbanks, trees, and mosquitoes. Both have butterflies, seeds, and seedlings. The Buffalo River runs through it. And the Buffalo River has moved and changed over time.

The long view of life changes and evolves. This place used to be a glacier, then a sea, then a prairie with glacier-deposited erratic boulders with a River that runs through it. Even the River has changed course in the relatively near past. We do the same. Civilizations change. Societies change, and each one of us changes in the course of our lives. So how have you changed? And more importantly, what happened to you that led to those changes? Our development from infant to elder includes changes to our physical selves imprinted in our DNA, the expression of which is influenced by our environment. Our personalities and experiences influence our thinking, our emotional responses, and our actions. The River of Life runs through us. What rocks of resistance are impeding the flow? What kind of debris is getting in the way? I think for most of us we want to be better than we once were. That desire is the cornerstone of failure and forgiveness. It is the challenge of our physical, social, political, emotional selves. What allows us to see from one side to the other? What allows us to walk to the other side? What reminds us that we are grasses and colorful flowers with seeds and seedlings that all live together in this world? Love, and I mean that with a capital L, is the river and the bridge. Let it flow through you and allow you to walk to the other side.

Here in All Their Beauty–Then Gone

August 23, 2020 by Denise Brake 2 Comments

Death has imbued my mind over the last week. It was the one year anniversary of Chris’ brother’s death, and I wonder how it can be so long already. It still feels unreal, like it didn’t happen, that maybe when we go back to Kansas City, he will be there. Then a dream of walking with my cousin through a garden adorned with art sculptures of cars, then realizing it was a cemetery for people who had died in car accidents. A dream of talking to my Dad at a party, and he died almost five years ago now. Then a brother of a friend of my daughter died in his mid-30’s—so, so young. And that makes me remember with a heavy heart the death of one of my greatest friends who died at the age of 34. We worked together at church camp on the prairies of South Dakota, and we took an epic horseback ride across the state from the North Dakota border to the Nebraska border. We both loved the prairie.

We come and go, but the land will always be here. Those people who love and understand it are the only ones who really own it—for a while. –Willa Cather

Last weekend Chris and I went to Buffalo River State Park, one of the largest and best of Minnesota’s prairie preserves. Our main idea was to foil the mosquitoes who have been swarming us in the woods and go to the sunny, wind-swept prairie where mosquitoes are less likely to bother us. And then there’s the thing that happens to my soul when I face an expanse of grass and sky—I am filled with goodness and calm.

Side by side we walked the mowed path through the prairie. Occasionally there would be an erratic boulder lying amidst the grass, boulders that were deposited there by the glacier eons ago. And they are literally called ‘erratics.’

I thought it looked like a prairie gravestone.

There’s no great loss without some small gain. –Laura Ingalls Wilder

The park was actually a combination of the State Park prairie, the Bluestem Prairie Scientific and Natural Area, and Minnesota State University, Moorehead Regional Science Center Land, and through the middle of it all flowed the winding, tree-lined Buffalo River. A vast expanse of blooming Indian grass with a sweep of Little Bluestem stretched from the path to the Science Center.

Sunflowers and Liatris sprinkled the prairie with bright summer color, and Painted Lady Butterflies were everywhere!

They are here in all their beauty…

…then gone.

The ones we lose eventually fade into the background of our lives, yet they are with us always.

At times, with anniversaries, or dreams, or renewed memories, they feel much closer to us again—thus the nature of erratic, unpredictable grief.

Death is not far from anybody’s mind these days as the death count from Covid-19 ticks into the hundreds of thousands—if you are not one who is personally impacted by that, thank your lucky stars and kindly say a prayer for all those who are. Please don’t quibble about the Covid count being ‘wrong.’ A beautiful person was here, and then they were gone, and many people are mourning.

We have the people, things, and land we love only for a while—until their demise, or ours. It will soon be thirty years since my friend died. Many things remind me of him—Appaloosa horses, polka-dot hats, strumming wildly on the guitar and singing silly songs, and so many more. But being on the prairie always brings him closer to me again. I have shared this poem about the prairie within the last year—what I didn’t say before was that it was my friend Joe’s favorite. The land will always be here. May it bring you goodness and calm.

The prairie, these plains….It was as if nature had taken solitude and fashioned it into something visible, carved out the silences into distances, into short grass forever flowing and curving, a vast sky forever pressing down, nothing changing, nothing but sameness, day after day after day, as far as you could see, as far as you could go. It was like the solitude of God…as awesome, and as beautiful. –Janice Holt Giles

Changes in the Light on Any Given Day

August 9, 2020 by Denise Brake 2 Comments

It’s on the strength of observation and reflection that one finds a way. So we must dig and delve unceasingly. –Claude Monet

What influence painter Claude Monet has had on public gardening that up in the Northwoods of Minnesota in the little city of Brainerd is a Monet garden! Last weekend Chris and I went to Northland Arboretum, 500 acres on the outskirts of Brainerd. A beautiful log visitor’s center sits on the hillside with a little waterfall garden situated on the other side of the parking lot.

We were invited to discover the Monet garden on the way to the hiking trails. We crossed the curved Japanese-inspired bridge like the one that Monet originally built on his Giverny garden and pond. As we circled the pond, we passed by Arrowheads, Cardinal flowers, showy red Monarda, and of course, the famous White Water Lily!

It was the wildest looking garden I have ever seen—literally wild, as opposed to manicured, following Monet’s idea of not liking organized or constrained gardens. And from the other side of the pond, we viewed the Northwood’s reproduction of Monet’s most famous scene from his Giverny garden.

We hiked on and soon found ourselves in a Jack Pine savanna. The soil was sandy, the terrain rolling, and Jack Pines and Bur Oak trees grew side by side. Prairie grasses like Big Bluestem and Indian grass lined the trail and were in full bloom along with other late summer flowers.

We noticed Wild Blueberries growing on the sandy hillsides and lots and lots of Hazelnut shrubs, most of which were already void of their husk-protected nuts. I commented to Chris that this would be a good place for bears to live with all this food!

The terrain changed again as we continued north—there were more Maple trees, more undergrowth, more ferns—and then the mosquitoes started finding us. We hiked on a ridge between two wetlands, ferngullies on either side of us. The trail was definitely less traveled and no longer mowed. We had yet to see another person since leaving the Monet garden.

We swatted mosquitoes as we persisted to the Red Pine forest and an old homestead site, which turned out to be only an open area of the woods with a patch of raspberries bushes.

The mosquitoes persisted and called their friends, so we turned around before making the complete loop. It will be a great place to see in the fall or winter!

We returned to the visitor center area for our picnic and were greeted by a family with three young children who asked if we had seen the bear. The mom explained that the naturalist at the center had told them a mother bear and her cubs had been seen in the park! It is a good place for bears to live!

The arboretum map showed other gardens that we hadn’t seen yet—the Gazebo Garden where weddings have been held, the Secret Garden started by the Girl Scouts, and the Memory Garden—so after lunch we hiked to find them. It was a sobering scene. The once-beautiful gardens were neglected—granted, early August is tough on any garden—but shrubs were overgrown, the ground was dry, the grass and plants were browned, the weeds too prolific. Nobody would want to get married here at this time. Our disappointment was tempered by the reality that both of us, particularly Chris, knew: It’s hard work to keep a garden looking good. It takes many man-hours to keep ahead of the weeding, watering, trimming, planting, thinning, and replanting that is required for any public garden. It’s hard work, and it takes money. We did not see any gardeners and wondered if they relied wholly on volunteers, which of course has many challenges baked into that. We saw and appreciated the original ‘bones’ of the gardens—a beautiful terraced rock wall, a little pond, some wonderful plant specimens, and the enclosed walls of the Secret Garden, and at the same time we knew how much work it would take to get the gardens back to their original glory.

The only picture I took at the neglected gardens.

And now, back to Monet’s garden at Giverny. Claude Monet built his gardens in the late 1800’s—as he became more famous as a painter, he was able to spend more money on his plant material and help. At one point he hired seven gardeners to carry out his vision. In essence, he created his art over and over again—once with the creation of the garden and then with his method of painting where he painted the same scene many times in order to capture the changes in the light on any given day and the myriad changes that occur with the seasons. But after Monet died in 1926, things changed. His step daughter tried to keep the place going, but after WWII, the house and gardens fell into neglect and ruin. The bombings had shattered all the windows in the main house and the greenhouses. The floors and ceiling beams rotted away. The gardens were overgrown and wild. Restoration of Monet’s gardens began in 1977 with the help of many generous donors. The house and greenhouses were restored. The pond was re-dug, the gardens replanted, the famous bridge re-built. It took ten years to do so.

We found our way around the Northland Arboretum, from the newer, more cared-for buildings and gardens at the entrance to the wild Monet Garden to the even wilder trails into the deep woods and back to the neglected, older gardens. Life is like that. We have those beautiful shiny places that find their way to a post on social media, we have those shaggy places that show up in our everyday life routines, we have those often untraveled aspects of our lives that are bothersome and beautiful at the same time, and we have those once-beautiful but neglected places that need attention and care. And sometimes a bear shows up. “So we must dig and delve unceasingly.” Restoration is possible, no matter how overwhelming it seems. Each one of us can find a way to create our lives over and over again.

Tattered

July 19, 2020 by Denise Brake 8 Comments

If I were a butterfly, my wings would be tattered. It hasn’t been wind and rain but storms of other kinds that have wreaked havoc on my body and devastated my heart. Like the butterfly, the longer we live and the more life experiences we have, the greater the chances of being tattered.

Sometimes life is just plain hard for oh-so-many reasons that are out of our control—coronavirus, job loss and the cascade that comes from that, certain illnesses and losses of relationships. It feels like we are pushing against the status quo, defying gravity, carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.

At times we get stuck and wonder how the heck we ended up in this place. ‘I did not sign up for this.’

Life can turn us in circles, bind us in the weeds, trip us up, even as we are working hard to do the right thing.

Then there are those times, thankfully rare, when we are immobilized, frozen, stuck in a web of confusion and uncertainty. We are cocooned. The life we have known is taken from us—we dissolve from the person we used to be….into….nothingness….for a while, at least. The grief and despair of being wretched out of our old life and long-held beliefs is a bottomless well—or so it seems at the time.

But there is a bottom. In fact, it is constructed for each one of us—it catches us from our seemingly fatal fall in the exact right way, often without our awareness. We are still flailing and desolate, fighting against the constraints of change.

Do not be afraid—you are on the right path. Don’t struggle against the struggle.

But what helps with the struggle? Good nutrition of body, heart and soul—food, love, and meaning.

Sunlight…

the heartbeat of Mother Nature…

beauty…

support for our well-being and growth…

and knowing we, like all of God’s creations, can get through tough times.

Where do beauty and respect abide? Struggle is a part of the human experience. It is not for nought. Struggle helps us learn. It refines our beliefs. It is an opportunity to better ourselves and our world. It is meant to be a reckoning of who we are and where we stand in this Earthly creation. So while struggle is deeply and profoundly personal—it is only ourselves who are peering down the deep, dark well of whatever is tearing apart our hearts and souls—it is also God’s call to us to reach beyond our personal reclamation. We are citizens of the community, the church, the state, the country, and the world. In reckoning and reclamation comes a responsibility to our fellow citizens—not responsibility for, but to—and to our Earth. We are not here to take, use, discard, abuse, and misuse the lives of other people or the resources of our planet. Our personal freedom is tempered by our collective responsibility. Therein lies beauty and respect. So let’s celebrate tattered wings, storms of struggle, and hard-won inner battles. Let’s reach out during this Covid time with food, love, and light. Let’s know deep in our bodies, hearts, and souls that like the old Oak tree, we can get through tough times and that there is a landing place from which to rebuild. Fly, though your wings be tattered.

Prairie Tough and Beautiful

July 12, 2020 by Denise Brake Leave a Comment

I was sitting in my circle of trees the other evening. The sun was low in the sky, not to be seen through all the layers of Pine trees. But I noticed that the tip-top of the tallest Aspen tree caught the twilight rays of the sun with a shining amber color. A slight breeze quivered the leaves in a soft song as the light faded away. So much of Nature is quiet and unassuming. She does her work without fanfare and most often without notice.

One of the places of Mother Nature that often goes unnoticed is the prairie. Travelers erroneously say ‘there’s nothing there’ or ‘it’s boring.’ I am a lover of prairies and will refute such talk. There is so much there! I am fortunate, not only to be surrounded by trees, but also to have a patch of prairie in the front yard. The soil is sandy and quickly dries, and whoever lives in my little prairie has to be tough. Quiet, unassuming grasses and wildflowers grow and thrive in the open, sunny spot.

One June-blooming wildflower that does garner some attention with its bright yellow-orange clusters of flowers is Hoary Puccoon. The roots were used by Native Americans to make a red dye.

A common prairie flower, one of the early bloomers, is Prairie Smoke. The bell-shaped flowers hang down, but after pollination, the stems straighten up, and the seed heads of feathery plumes form.

Pollinators are another quiet, most often unseen part of Nature that work hard and do important work. In essence, they provide the movement of male parts of the flower (pollen) to the female parts (stigma)—they help the process of fertilization so the fruits and seeds can develop. Pollinators include birds, bats, butterflies, moths, flies, beetles, and most importantly bees.

Another June-blooming wildflower in our little prairie is Shell Leaf Penstemon. Its large lavender flowers whorl around a single stalk above the opposite, clasping leaves that hold rainwater like a small shell.

The flower tubes are large enough for bumblebees to crawl inside to perform their pollinator duties.

No prairie is complete without the tough, fragrant presence of Yarrow. The leaves are fern-like, as described by its species name, millefolium, meaning ‘thousand leaves.’ The flowers are flat-topped clusters of many tiny flowers, all ‘working’ together as one.

Evening Primroses do as their name says—bloom in the evenings! The stalk of flowers bloom from the bottom up, a few flowers at a time. They open in the evenings and wilt by noon of the next day. Sphinx moths pollinate them during the night, but I also see a small bee on one of the flowers.

Daisy Fleabane is another self-described name. It was used by pioneers in their beds to keep away fleas. The radiant daisy-like flowers (actually asters) bloom from Spring to Fall on leafless flower stems.

Once grown as a hay crop, this escaped plant now grows ‘wild.’ White Sweet Clover, along with its sister Yellow Sweet Clover, is a major source of nectar for the Honeybee to make honey. The genus name, Melilotus, is Greek for ‘honey.’ Can you see the bee?

A member of the Mustard family, Hoary Alyssum is an inconspicuous white-blooming wildflower common on the prairie. It pairs well with Hairy False Goldenaster—both are covered in downy white hairs (thus their names.)

June and July on my little prairie with grasses, wildflowers, silver sages, and pollinators! It is a diverse, ever-changing ecosystem full of tough, unique, and beautiful plants.

Prairie plants and their busy pollinators, in their quiet and unassuming way, remind me of all the front-line workers of this pandemic we are living through. The nurses, EMTs, police and fire workers, housekeepers, RTs, caretakers, doctors, funeral workers, grocery store workers, and all the other workers who risk their lives in order to take care of our needs. They do their work without fanfare and so often go unnoticed and under-appreciated. They are tough—they wear their masks all day long to keep the rest of us as safe as possible. Their work is hard, and it’s important. A thousand thanks to the tough, unique, and beautiful people on the front lines of this pandemic. You are the shining stars.

Flying Dreams

June 21, 2020 by Denise Brake 2 Comments

Love it seems, made flying dreams, so hearts could soar. Heaven sent, these wings were meant to prove once more, that love is the key. Love is the key. —‘Flying Dreams’ written by Jerrald Goldsmith and Paul Williams

I have had flying dreams my whole life. Many times I am in a room with tall ceilings, and I can just leap into the air and fly to the ceiling, then push off the wall with my feet to change direction. Perhaps it is more like weightlessness, like floating, like an astronaut in space. Other times I am flying outside, skirting high-line wires and trees, steering Peter Pan-like with my arms, and looking to my side to see birds flying with me. Whether inside or out, my flying dreams bring an immense sense of freedom and an indescribable feeling of joy.

In spite of the ease of flying in my dreams, in ‘awake’ life, flying isn’t always easy, especially the getting-off-the-ground part—or in the case of a dragonfly, the getting-out-of-the-water-climbing-up-any-available-vegetation-to-dry-out-wings part.

A little over three weeks ago, my friend and I went to Saint John’s Arboretum to try to find the hawk’s nest I had discovered before the leaves were on the trees—but this time we were unable to see it in the camouflage of leaves. We did find some beautiful ferns, spring wildflowers, a tannin-stained Trumpeter Swan, and….

…lots and lots of dragonflies! Most of them were not flying however—they were clinging to the shrubs and trees that lined a small lake. They were ‘tenerals’ or newly emerged from the aquatic larval stage. Dragonflies begin their life cycle in the water where an adult will lay eggs on a plant in the water or in the water itself.

The larval or nymph stage can be one to four years of growing and molting under the water. Water temperature and length of growing season determines maturation of the nymph. Emergence usually happens in the early morning when the nymph crawls out of the water up a stem of a plant. Some crawl several yards to a vertical plant to begin the final shedding of the larval skin to become the adult dragonfly.

During this transformation time, the dragonflies are vulnerable to predators, mainly birds. Even rainfall at this time can damage their soft body tissue. Up to a 90% mortality has been observed in one emerging population. Their legs are the first to harden so they can hook their claws into a plant or tree. Their wings are colorless, like shiny saran wrap.

Eyes of the ‘tenerals’ are reddish-brown above and gray below. Both the wings and eyes will develop more color as they mature.

The newly-emerged dragonflies did fly from their drying posts when we walked by, but their flight was weak, and they only flew a short ways to other shrubs.

Along the edge of the lake on the shrubs and trees, when we looked closely, were thousands and thousands of dragonflies climbing and sunning and drying. When we walked by, a swirling frenzy of flying circled our heads until they once again settled on the branches. Practice flights to ready them for their short adult life of only weeks. Once they are ready, the fairy-like flyers are graceful and powerful. They can hover in the air and fly in all six directions as they capture mosquitoes and flies for their food.

Flying dreams represent having our own personal power, a new perspective, spiritual connection, and freedom—freedom of expression and possibilities, and hope. Dragonflies represent transformation, adaptability, joy, wisdom, and illumination. Flying dreams release us from our perceived limitations; we break free from those things that tether us to earth, that hold us down. I love how our dreaming minds can give us a sense of freedom, power, and joy—a flight map for ‘awake’ life. The dragonflies have a vulnerable time—when their new, soft bodies are susceptible to weather and predators. They need time to settle into their bodies, to ‘harden’ their vulnerabilities, and to feel and know the intrinsic power of their wings. We all go through vulnerable times in our lives. What is most helpful to you during those times? Some are culturally vulnerable, when the walk to freedom is long and difficult, when history tethers them down with invisible ties, and when breaking free of those ties is thwarted at most every turn. We all need flying dreams. We all deserve flying dreams, and we deserve powerful, grace-full people to model, mentor, and mediate a flight map to freedom, power, and joy. Love is the key.

A River of Trees

May 24, 2020 by Denise Brake Leave a Comment

It’s a topsy-turvy world right now—too much confusion and disorder—not only around the corona virus pandemic, which is overwhelming, to be sure, but in so many other ways. Some safely-isolated people wonder what all the fuss is about, while those on the ‘front lines,’ amid the illness and death, wonder how some people can be so cavalier. Certain states and populations are suffering with great numbers of death and job losses, while others are living their lives without much disruption at all. The political fighting is like a bad divorce—both sides think they’re right and blame the other for all the things gone wrong. Nobody wins.

In the midst of the chaos, as states were beginning to find their way to ‘opening,’ we quietly kept a heart-promise made when Chris’ brother died late last summer. We followed the Great River that flows near our house down to Cassville, Wisconsin, the tiny river town where Chris’ folks grew up and where the boys spent their summer vacations. A homecoming of sorts. We spent part of the day high above the Mississippi River at Nelson Dewey State Park. The park’s 756 acres were once part of Nelson Dewey’s large 2,000 acre agricultural estate. As a young man (age 35), he was elected as Wisconsin’s first governor when the state formed in 1848. But long before him, it was home to Native Americans. Two village sites and three groups of burial mounds have been found in the park. Holy ground.

Looking out over the Mississippi from the bluffs, I remarked it was like a river of trees. Long sandbar islands of trees with their newly sprouted leaves made for a topsy-turvy river. It was difficult to tell where the main channel flowed in the maze of water and trees.

We hiked along the bluff trail among Oak and Hickory trees. Wild Geraniums bloomed with their delicate lavender flowers.

We saw a surprise that may turn your stomach upside down—a very large Black Rat Snake! Chris had been thinking about snakes since this area has Timber Rattlesnakes (one of which he has the skin of from when he was a boy), and it was a perfect day for ‘sunning’ on the southwest-facing bluff. I wasn’t even thinking about snakes and was delighted to see such a beauty!

A restored prairie area along the bluff still had the fall remains of amber grasses and wildflower seedheads…

…though one prairie hilltop pushed aside the old for a new Spring sweep of Bird’s Foot Violets.

What’s in a name? Among the Bird’s Foot Violets were bright Hoary Puccoons.

From the hilltop prairie we veered away from the River…

and followed the old stone wall that had been built in the 1860’s around the Stonefield farm that Dewey planned and moved his family to in 1868.

Limestone outcroppings looked out over the deep valley of forest and River. Tough, windswept Cedar trees grew on the points…

and exquisite flowers clung to the rock edges and burst into bloom from a bed of stone.

An old Cedar, overlooking the River, looked like a Bonsai tree—it had been trimmed and pruned, bent and stunted, by the wind and weather over the decades. The stories it could tell.

A tree we don’t see in the wild as far north as we live, was in full bloom—the gorgeous Redbud tree. Spring is synonymous with Redbud trees for Chris—another homecoming of sorts for his tree-loving soul.

Going to Cassville for the weekend was a reminder that the topsy-turvy time we find ourselves in is nothing new or special. The history of the place tells the stories. Governor Dewey and his family lived on a spectacular farm overlooking the Great Mississippi River. But disaster struck in 1873 when their house burned down and later that year a nationwide financial panic affected his investments, and he lost Stonefield in 1878 to foreclosure. He also lost his marriage during those years. On a more personal note, when we looked at the graves of Chris’ Mom and Dad, we realized they were toddlers when the 1918 Spanish Flu pandemic interrupted the lives of Americans and the world. Their families had weathered the pandemic with small children and much more primitive ways of living. The Veterans Memorial reminded us of all the men and women who had fought in wars over the centuries, many losing their lives by doing so. Chris’ Dad’s name carved in the black granite is a lasting memory of the sacrifices he and others endured to protect the world from the evils of fascism. And mostly we were reminded, as we close in on the incredible milestone of 100,000 deaths from Covid-19, that every death is personal and ripples out in waves to a myriad of people who were touched by that one, special person. Grief is as deep and wide and long as the Mississippi River. If I were to wish upon a shooting star, I would wish for each of us in this upside-down world to be a tree in this river of grief—to have strong roots embedded in holy ground, to have strong branches to hold the pain of others as it bends and stunts their lives, and to have a new growth of leaves that hold hope and renewal as a way forward. To be a homecoming of sorts.

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