Come walk with me in the peak Autumn beauty of the Northwoods. To say that I love this time of year is an understatement. Most everyone can appreciate the colorful falling leaves---it reveals the 'true self' of a tree when its leaves are no longer producing chlorophyll. Their true colors are revealed, and there is something simple … [Read More...]
Heartbreak and Beauty
I had joyfully baked cookies all day—the old Christmas cds I used to play while making cookies with the kids blared from the hallway as the heady smells of sugar, butter, and chocolate filled the air. We were anticipating a trip to Kansas City to celebrate with the Brake family before taking the longer drive to Texas. We would leave in four days. Then a phone call. One of Chris’ brothers was in the ICU. It didn’t look good. Tests needed to be done. Unbeknownst to us, he had been ill for over a year, seriously ill—but didn’t want us to worry. If only cookies could heal heartbreak and cancer.
He died the day before we were leaving. We packed and drove with a heaviness that insulted the season of joy around us. Or was it the other way around? It seems like the only thing we could voice was our shock and disbelief. We spent a few days with the Brakes, in sorrow instead of excitement. And yet, seeing them, the remaining two brothers and their dear wives, placed a bandage over our wounds. In essence, it stopped the bleeding. We shared meals around the same tables the Brakes had gathered around for holiday fun for decades. Beautiful memories flooded my brain and heart. Gram and Gramps and the two uncles were still there with us.
We drove to Austin, Texas to see Emily and Shawn. The long trip was tiring. A dullness of unprocessed feelings kept us quiet, and sitting for so long in sorrow stiffened our muscles. Nothing like death to make a person feel old. We spent the night in Denton before braving the constant construction on I-35. One of our anticipated events with Emily and Shawn was to go on the Luminary Walk at Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center. Two days before Christmas—a festive event. I gathered my energy. Through the darkness we walked with luminaries lighting our way.












Chris noticed the real star above the lit tree. Darkness and beauty.


On the Luminary Walk, our eyes adjusted to the darkness. Our hearts began to adjust to the shock and sorrow. We saw kids playing on luminous swings, climbing structures, and mazes. We remembered the incredible fun and laughter Jon brought to all our lives. Lights illuminated certain trees that have lived long and endured many storms. Our memories highlighted the travails that Jon endured with strength and wit. We all walk the Luminary Walk through life. We encounter darkness—loss, heartache, hurt, confusion, and rejection—but there are luminaries all around us who can help us see through the heartbreak and darkness to find and feel the beauty once again.
Santa Lucia–The Lightbringer
We arrived at Salem Lutheran Church before 7:00 am and took our seats in the candlelit sanctuary. The pews were filled with smiling parishioners, many of whom wore colorful Nordic print sweaters to chase away the extreme cold and to proclaim their Scandinavian pride. My 100% Scandinavian genes were feeling a little envious. After the handbell prelude, we listened while the first verse of the processional song ‘Sankta Lucia’ was sung in Swedish, then joined in for the English version: Night’s heavy footprints lie / ‘Round farm and toil / Spirits shall haunt the world / Shadows on soil / In our dark house at night / Rising with candles bright / Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia // Night’s full of black and gloom / Now hear her swing / Through all our darkened rooms / On her sweet wings / At our door clad in white / Wearing a crown of light / Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia
Santa Lucia (Saint Lucy) was a young Christian from Syracuse, Sicily who refused to marry her pagan husband and was martyred in 304 A.D. Many legends surround Santa Lucia—that she carried baskets of food to persecuted Christians in the catacombs with a wreath of candles on her head to light the way, and that she appeared after her death at the bow of a ship carrying food to the starving people of Varmland, Sweden. She was clothed in white with a crown of light circling her head. Her feast day is December 13th which coincided with the Winter Solstice during the Julian calendar. Santa Lucia’s Day, the 13th, marks the beginning of the Christmas season in Sweden.
Sweden and at least parts of Finland, Norway, and Denmark celebrate Lucia as the symbol of light and hope during the darkest time of the year. In villages and households, a chosen Santa Lucia carries coffee and pastries—often lussekatter, sweet saffron buns—to villagers and family members. Denmark’s first Lucia procession was held during Nazi occupation of the mid-1940’s to show peaceful resistance and offer a reminder of hope. **
At Salem Lutheran Church, Tomtars and Star Boys, Saint Knut, and Lucia with her Tarnors or handmaidens processed down the aisle with candles and bells and sat at the front of the church during the service. As we sang and prayed, daylight gradually revealed the amazing stained glass window above the alter. After the service, all were invited to the Great Hall for Scandinavian pastries, coffee, and lingonberry glogg!
Today, on this 21st day of December, we celebrate the Winter Solstice, the first Day of Winter. We have reached the shortest day of the year, the longest night. Santa Lucia is celebrated in Sweden and other northern countries as the Lightbringer of faith, hope, and good things to come. Her light shines through the darkness as she brings food for the hungry and needy. She heralds in the Christmas season. On this longest night, I wish for all of us the Light of generosity and compassion, the Light of warm housing and abundant food, the Light of forgiveness and peace, and most of all the Light of Love. May we all be bearers of Light. God Jul!*
*Happy/Merry Christmas in Swedish
**Santa Lucia image from Google images
Light of the Morning Sun
The sun is rising farther north in the morning sky and later in the hours of our clock-run days. When I raised the shade of our bedroom window, I saw the morning sun hitting the trunk of an old oak tree in the woods. Usually cloaked in shade and blended in with the other trees, its presence was illuminated for a few minutes by the rising sun. The sun had to peek over the quarry shed, sneak through the spruce trees, and find the opening between the large lilac bushes in order to shine on the rough trunk of the oak.
The low morning sun lit up the grass and goldenrod and produced long shadows of tree trunks.
A busy squirrel carried a huge Buckeye seed in his mouth that he had gathered from the yard down the road from us.
The feathery branches of a young White Pine shimmered in a sea of golden grass.
Saint Francis, who stands among the ferns in the shade garden, was also illuminated by the morning sun.
The morning sun, with its warmth and light, has been a welcome sight these past days. The last two weeks have been kind of tough around here. A friend of mine died suddenly, and as I mourned the loss of such a kind, gentle woman, I was also filled with regrets. We had planned to ride bikes together, and I never made it happen. I was so caught up in my own life that I didn’t go see her or send her a card when she broke her leg recently. We live our lives thinking the people we care about will always be around.
The overwhelming darkness of this past week has been the tearing open of an old wound in our community. The body of a young boy who had been kidnapped twenty-seven years ago was found after a confession from his killer. The details are chilling and horrendous. Our hearts ache for the family that has held his memory and the hope of his return like a bright beacon for all of us. Our tears flowed as the news recounted the facts of the case. And parents held their children more tightly as we watched Jacob’s mother face the unacceptable. Patty Wetterling’s words:
Everyone wants to know what they can do to help us.
Say a prayer.
Light a candle.
Be with friends.
Play with your children.
Giggle.
Hold hands.
Eat ice cream.
Create joy.
Help your neighbor.
That is what will bring me comfort today.
The light of morning. The Light of mourning. Death, despair, hatred, destruction, and every kind of darkness doesn’t stand a chance when the collective rays of light and love are gathered in God’s name. We need to lift up the lives of those who bring goodness and mercy to all those around them, like my friend Joan did. We need to bear the agony of innocent lives lost at the hand of evil and stand with an eternal flame in defiance of the darkness. We need to do whatever it takes to illuminate any darkness within ourselves in order to be a light to others. There is so much we can do to help, as Patty Wetterling suggested and as Saint Francis wrote in his prayer:
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace….
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Love and Light to you all.








