April Fooled

When I was younger, in those early thirties days when one begins to come out of the rather clueless, self-involved but necessary decade of fun and invincibility, I began to learn about myself.  I remember reading a book that described the actions and reasons for what the experts now call co-dependency.  I remember being excited to learn this information that made sense of my feelings and interactions with other people!  I immediately shared the good news with my best friend, ready to re-make our relationship into a better functioning, more equitable friendship.  I was fooled into thinking that information easily translates to action, that this change would be easy, that we both would want this to happen.  Instead, it was the beginning of the end of our long and lovely friendship—the very thing co-dependents dread the most.  And I was slammed with loss and devastation.

Since Spring officially arrived on the calendar, we have been fooled into thinking Winter was easily going to pass the baton to Spring.  Instead we have had single digit temperatures more like January and more snow than we have seen the whole rest of Winter.  After our post-Easter snow and the one after that, we warmed up this week and made progress towards Spring—at least in the first step of getting rid of the snow.  The deliberate, clipped tracks of a fox melted into a ground-baring trail that disappeared into brown grass.  Progress.

By Friday morning, the yard was more grass than snow.  Progress!

A flock of Juncos descended on the remains of sunflower seeds.  Were they fooled into heading North for their Spring mating and Summer living?

The weekend forecast was already warning us of another big snowstorm, bringing dreadful resignation that Mother Nature is in charge, no matter how badly we want Spring.  The early morning sky dawned red with warning.  The barometric pressure fell, inducing discomfort in joints and heads.  There was uneasiness in the air.

By afternoon, snow and sleet slammed into the house from the north northeast.  “Ha!  Fooled you!  Don’t even think about Spring,” roared Mother Nature.  Spring took two steps back towards Winter.

Wind howled through the night and through the next day, crescendoing in gusts to 64 mph.  What we believed about Spring was being challenged with might and resistance from the old, clingy, egoistic ways of Old Man Winter.

Sunday morning the wind was still blowing and the snow was still snowing.  The sidewalk I had shoveled yesterday was completely covered with a drift even bigger than the one before.  Snowflakes flung by the wind stung my face as I walked the dog in my full winter gear.

What to do?  Shovel the walk again.  Wait until the snow stops.  Shovel again.  Repeat if necessary. 

We have been April fooled.  We are starting our fourth week of Spring.  Snow should be gone.  Daffodils are usually blooming by this time.  Ice is usually off the lakes.  None of those things.  Instead we’ve had a three-day blizzard as we sit indoors eating humble pie.  I wish I could profess I was never fooled again after those painful early thirties, but the truth is I continued to be fooled by people, situations, and myself.  Most of us tend to take situations and people on good faith, with good intention, with hope and the benefit of the doubt, and that can lay the groundwork for the capacity for things to go wrong.  The good news is we keep learning about ourselves, and we make progress.  We take two steps forward, then one step back.  Sometimes we are flung back many steps by challenges from our old, clingy, egoistic selves and way of life.  Change is hard, and change is not linear.  Sometimes we drop the baton—again and again.  At times we wait for the snow to stop snowing and the wind to stop blowing, and then we try again.  So let’s lift our shovels to Progress!  Spring actually is on its way!